When I was a brand-new Christian, I suffered for too many years with a nagging doubt as to whether I was really a Christian. It wasn’t because of some on-going struggle with a certain horrific sin. Nevertheless, I couldn’t shake that nibbling at me with doubts that felt like a reprimand chewing me out for even daring to think that God would accept the likes of me. I had accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, but maybe I didn’t say the right words or do enough good deeds–why was I feeling so miserable and here I’m supposed to be ‘filled with the joy of the Lord’. Right? Not how I felt. Not at all. As a matter of fact, the doubts would growl at me when I couldn’t sleep at night or when a very convicting evangelistic sermon was given, I just knew I must go forward…again! And I did…on 3 different occasions. Went forward and was even baptized again at one of the largest churches in the USA, along with over 100 others at the 2nd service that Sunday morning south of Chicago, in Indiana. I just felt so guilty, so much of the time. Until…until I read and digested verses like those found in John’s Gospel, the 8th chapter. It hit me like a ton of bricks (well, not that violently and fatally!)– the time to worry about my salvation was when I no longer cared about it or about Jesus or about anything having to do with God. When I didn’t want anything to do with Jesus, then I had something to worry about. God, you go your way and I’ll go mine. But that wasn’t me at all. I desperately wanted to be a child of God, my warts and all. I needed God. I always have, but I just didn’t know if He gave a hoot about me. Well, those insecurities about my eternal security lessened the more I heard God’s Word and the more time I spent with Him. Just like Jesus said, ‘He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God’ (John 8:47). If we hear Him, listen to the Lord, follow Him as best we can always getting right when we’ve gone wrong, wanting to know His Word, cherishing moments in the Bible whether in the morning, afternoon or late at night. Wanting Him is the best assurance He gives us of His salvation. Not my feelings of insecurity, my self-doubts put on Him. No. Read verse 47 again. Doesn’t that just ring true? Like a tuning fork is the Bible, tuning to the right note and the right pitch so we sing and play the right notes with that pure tone of the Lord. I’m glad I’m a child of God, and the more time I spend with Him in prayer and reading His Word, the less time I have to wonder and to doubt and just drive myself batty!

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